today is the day that i died

today marks my 2nd deathday counting from my event. there has been much change in my life since then. most people, if they were faced with my situation would not find joy in it. much has happened in my life yet this is one of the few things that i would absolutely not change. the amount of good that has come from this is amazing.
here are some of those things: first for other people. i have seen the most growth in my dad in these last 2 years then in the rest of his life and it started at my event and God continued from there. he has gone from the leader of our family that is influenced by God to a godly leader who goes to his knees first and from there, God raises him higher then if he were to stand on his own. my event helped him to trust God more and from there, God has brought bigger obstacles, for my dad, that would cause my dad to trust God even more and more public. it's awesome to see my dad trust on unseen things to take care of all the seen things around him.
my mom has also grown a lot and the best way to put it is that she has grown up since my event. it's cool to think that God has taken a little country girl, had her marry my dad, and make her slowly in to a godly girl though she does still talk like a hick at times ;) through my event, God prepared my mom, slightly, for the life of trust and chaos that would follow. whether it be doctor bills, an engagement, or going to china to get a new brother, my mom really does handle a ton and she handles it well.
its must more difficult to say how my siblings have changed from my event but i can say that in general, we have all gotten close as a family. john has also brought us all together even more which is great. we now do stuff together all the time, or so it seems. i'm not quite used to it yet but i do think its good, though we don't really have any good board games.
it has also been good to see how people around me have responded to it. while it is still kinda embarrassing, my story makes you think about death and the fact that it could come at any second and i am in the 3% of people who survive. so what makes you think you'll have more time? if God will use this event to get people to stop thinking about the life that they are living so that they think about death so that they will think about the life that they are going to be living so that they can live for that life now, i am excited for that. i want to see that happen. that would encourage and bring joy to my heart.

my event has also effected me a lot. k, so that is a little bit of an understatement but oh well. first though, i would not wish what happened to me on anyone else. while it has been great for me, God totally prepared me for this to happen so that it would be a good thing. for this to happen to me was great, it was what i needed. there are though a lot of "tough" things though and i'm sure most people wouldn't enjoy them.
with that said though, i'm glad that i die. my death has been one of the greatest factors for me in finding out what i should do with my life. i now know that there is nothing else that i can do that i want to do and that i would enjoy to do with my life except to do ministry. i would go even farther and say public ministry, some form of teaching/evangelism (i am a coward so i would not at all be surprised if God had me do evangelism because i fear man so much). i feel compelled and convicted that i have to do this with my life, which basically means that if i do anything else, it's sin. so, i have a really short lists of jobs to narrow down, all i got to do is to foster my relationship with God and let Him do the rest (though really my fostering my relationship with God is really all God's doing so i just basically have to do nothing except what i want to do so that's quite nice because what i want to do is to please God, so it works).
also, i have even less energy than i had before i died so i have to think through on how i want to use the little energy i have. this is good for me because i have to only do the things that are most important to me. this really shows where my heart is at. i can't stay up late any more and do everything that i want, i can only do the things that are important to me which means that i have to choose between God and other things. i have seen where i will choose other things but i have also seen how God is working on making me not want those things any more so that i can spend my energy for Him. i am excited to forget the things of this world.

well, there are more things that i could write but my morning is quickly escaping me so i will end it here. but i'll end with this. i can't remember anything that happened the morning that i die. i just woke up a few days later in the hospital. so, if your heart were to go into V.Fib today and you were to pass out instantly and die and be in the 97% of people who don't survive V.Fib, would you be ready to die and would you be doing what you want to be doing when you die? i had 3 EKG and 3 echocardiograms before i die and the doctors said that i was fine. if you haven't had any of that or even if you have, your heart could give out at any second, or really any other organ could give out if God chose to do that to you, and you would die, so what would happen to you?