Sunday, January 25, 2009

absent

this will be my last post for a week for i will be on a week long winter retreat with my youth ministry and there will be no internet. so, to get around that, i am going to write posts up there on paper, then when i get back, i will post them, in order, on to here. that is about the best that i can do with no internet 

coward

if asked, most people would not say that i am a coward. however, i was talking to someone recently and they showed me a spot in my life that needs reform and the only reason that i struggle with this is that i am a coward. 
i would say that i am not the most out going person, though if called upon, i can talk quite a bit, sometimes to much :) the problem is though, is that i often struggle with public prayer. i do not enjoy praying in front of people. i care to much what people think and i don't think enough about what God thinks. i can't pray that bad cuz people still sometimes ask me to pray, though i do not feel right about it. it just seems so fake to me. i don't think that i speak well, so i tend to get tongue tied and such and then i am incoherent so people don't even know what i am saying. also i never know what to say while i am praying. i just have a very hard time being personal with God when there are other people to hear me. 
the most stupid part about this whole thing is, is that i know that i am a moron for being like this. which really frustrates me. there is not anything much greater that God could have given us then to communicate directly with Him. we need no third party. yet i have trouble doing it. 
well, i got something to work on :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

KILL

i started to read the book "mortification of sin" by john owen today. i read the first two chapters and i would say that it is a great book so far. it has given me a few new views on sin and the struggle to kill it. i have never really noticed it, but something that the book talks about is how when we seem to be doing great with not sinning, then all of a sudden, we have a series of sins. the book talks about how when sin is silent is when it is most dangerous. i found that rather insightful. 
there was much more in these first chapters, but that is all i will say now on the book.
however, something that this book is causing me to think about it what i will i teach on for my last sermon in one 28. there are a couple of things that i want to teach on that i wish that i would have know or realized during my high school years. i am most strongly considering teaching on the 10 plagues plus a little extra, looking at how God shows off his power at this time, or finding a passage in romans that talks more about mortifying the flesh, which is something that i wish i would have known more about and also would have sought after more during my younger years. 

it is not that are we to try and be better people, but we are to seek to be like Christ, which is perfect. we can not do it on our own, but we must rely upon the power of the Holy Spirit. it is not a casual stroll but an all out battle for our very souls which will live on for eternity, location of life depending on this life now.

that is something that is kinda scary. we live a short time on this earth, 90 years being a long time. and the time that we spend here, will determine where we are for the rest of eternity. this life is not something that we should take lightly, but it should be a serious time, for us to grow into who we want to be for eternity. the older i get, the faster time goes by. i don't want to be 40 looking back and wondering where my life went and asking myself if i have lived my life the way i want to. i want to look back when i am 80 and dying and be glad of how i lived and ready to run into the arms of my best friend and most trusted companion, Christ. 

i want to live a life that i can be proud of when i am old and wise, not one that i think is fun now and then regret after the endorphins wear off. 

Friday, January 23, 2009

glory to God

in acts 12 and genesis 41, a bad and a good response to praise is shown. in acts 12, herod makes a speak and the people praise him and calls him a god, he is then eaten by worms. while in genesis, pharaoh calls joseph wise, and joseph said that it isn't him, but God. joseph is then raised to second in command of all of egypt, second only to pharaoh. 

i liked this because it shows God's faithfulness to protect those who serve Him. though, the scary part is that God also punishes people for not doing the right thing. kinda makes you want to do what right.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Joy

i am currently reading a book on endurance, and the current and last chapter in on william wilberforce. i didn't know to much about him when i started to read it, but now i want to know more. he was summed up to be a man permeating with joy, in all circumstances. he was in terrible health, yet he played with his children and would laugh during meetings of parliament. he was always humming a hymn or singing. this really stuck out to me. i am not the most joyful of people, some would probably call me depressed or something along those lines. i'm not really, though i do generally look like it. though i am not sure that i could ever be as joyful as william, i know that i have the ability to, so this is something that i need to work on. he was a light to those around him through his joy, for people christians as being old, stuffy people and not people showing the joy of Christ. a lot of people missed that back then, and even know, but william got it. he had it. with out it, he could have very easily gotten depressed and died earlier, for his life was not one that should have been joyful except for the work of christ moving through him. 

i often look at the stuff that needs to be fixed and changed instead of the stuff that is working and in good order. i think that is one of the main reason for my pessimistic view, but also because i don't tend to look at things as a blessing from God but that it is just how life is. like the sunrise, every morning, if she remembers, my mom will look out the window at the sky to see it change colors and such, and she almost always says, "how beautiful" or something of that rendition. i need to start to look for and at the beauty of life and not at the problems of life. i even find myself doing this with people, i look at their flaws and at the things that bug me and not at their uniqueness and the stuff that makes them special. if i can look at people and not at their mistakes, i think that can make all the difference with me and how i treat people. though it will take God to do this in me because it will be reversing 18 years of habit, not an easy thing to do

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

friends

i would say that i do not have a whole lot of people that i enjoy to be around, though the ones that i do indulge in are great. for some reason, i tend to find new people who happen to not make friends, and i hook them up with people who are like them. it is kinda weird, i am not a hugely out going person, yet i enjoy meeting new people and helping people if i can. i am, perhaps, not the best of greeting parties, though i can make people trust me, which i am not sure how, it just happens. 

Monday, January 19, 2009

resolved

looking back on my life, i would say that the majority of what i did to have fun when i was young, was foolish, banal things that i now regret investing so much time into them. the thing that i most invested time in, that i most excused would be sleep. though it is essential to the body, the amount that i take in is not needed to the extent that i indulge it. another would be tv/video games/movies, of which i was squandered so much time on, that it is still amazing that i can actually think somewhat intelligently. so, instead, now i would like to spend more time doing things that i think will profit me in some way, either spiritually, mentally, or to have at least some measure of good entertainment. i would like to spend my time on studying the bible, reading spiritual literature, and playing the piano. the first two, i believe, fall under the first 2 categorizes, while playing the piano falls under the 3rd. one other thing that i will indulge in would be the reading of non-spiritual books, and that is simple for academic reasons, so that i can hopefully enhance my writing more and more. 

i am sure that i will have times where i fall back into doing the carnal things of this world, though i do hope that the general theme of my life is towards Christ and His kingdom. all those who read this, i hope you will work to keep me accountable to this cause and to also challenge yourself to further the kingdom; for we can not teach others what we ourselves do not know. 

ordination

so tonight, at Sean Higgens ordination, i was faced with the fact that i would love for it to be said of me that i was like Sean when i am his age. he really isn't am old guy, yet from what i have seen of him, he has shown wisdom and maturity of men far beyond his years. i, then started to look for the reasons that i wanted this, and i can down to either that i was prideful and that i wanted to be recognized for something, or that i want God's name to be praised. i would like to think it is the second one, and i think it is partially, though i also know that it has some to do with my pride. i'm used to being in the center, and now that i'm not really, i can see why i would want to reach out for something that would push me back up. the good thing though, is that i know that the more time i spend in God's word, the more i will want it to be for Him and have none of it to do with me. already in my life i have seen the changed, and i hope that it will continue to change till it is Christ that is seen through me and no longer me at all. 

Sunday, January 18, 2009

saw the light

saul of tarsus was a man who wanted to imprison or kill all of the christians because they had betrayed their faith. on his way to damascus, he saw a bright light and God spoke to him. in this moment, God completely changed his life. saul was soon called paul and he would be come one of the greatest men in the early church. through saul's persecution of the church, the Word was spread, and then through paul's ministry, the Word was spread even farther. saul was a man, bent on destroying the earth, whom God used to touch the world. even most of the New Testament is written by him. i really like paul, there is so much to learn from him that it is simply amazing. he was educated by the best of jewish scholars and then God took him and used him for His own means. it's cool to see that God can and will use anyone to get His word spread. we don't even actually have to want to, because if God plans on using us, then we will be used. God will change us to love Him and we can't do anything about it. it is a great thing to think about. 
our God is great, and greatly to be praised

Friday, January 16, 2009

men of old

something that i see in myself and the young people around me is the challenge to think and challenge things in the mentality to learn. young people are always quick to challenge, but hardly ever in a way to better themselves and society or to push them closer to God. this mentality is something that i see in the men of history and i wish that i could be like them. i often think, "what is the difference between me and them? how can they do those things at that young of an age, and then i'm older and i haven't even considered doing those kinds of things" i look at men like Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, John Knox, Charles Simeon, and many other reformers, puritans, and great men of faith, and they were not anything supernatural, they were just normal men who did what God had put upon their hearts to do. so, if they were normal men who did great things, why can't i do great things. i would love to impact the world for Christ. though one thing that i do have trouble with is boldness. my writings are one thing, but to actually speak with and in front of people, that is something i have trouble with. i want my name remembered under Christ, as one who fought for Him, not anything else. Christ is all that matters. i know must learn to trust Him and live completely for Him.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

piano

well, i started to learn to play the piano today. i'm not very good, but it is fun. i'm excited to get my keyboard now so that i can set it up to the right height, i'm hoping that will help my wrist from hurting. 
piano is definitely harder then i thought it would be, but it isn't to bad, so i'm ok still. i still really want to play, so that is good. 
well, i'm really tired, so i'm going to bed now

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

a sheep to the slaughter

i was reading in Acts 8 tonight, which talks about philip going to the eunuch. the eunuch was reading a passage of the OT, Isaiah 53:7, which is 

"He was led as a sheep to slaughter; and as a lamb before its shearer is silent, so He does not open his mouth. In humiliation His judgement was taken away; who will relate His generation? for His life is removed from the earth"

not so much this quote from Isaiah, but the passage of Acts itself is what struck me with this. i was thinking about how the world would look on Christ for giving himself up for us, people past, present, and future. to someone normal, this would not make any sense what so ever. for someone to die, cruelly and quietly, that is amazing. to be innocent as well, completely boggles the mind. this just shows how great of a God and Savior we have. 

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

crush

to have a crush on someone is, perhaps, one of the stupidest things ever. having a crush completely blinds a person from making any rational decisions. it may be fun to have a crush and to be in a relationship, but in all reality, it is stupid. people just get hurt and nothing comes from them. so, instead of acting upon emotions, think, and then act in ways that you think best, and that you would know the adults around you would approve. it isn't wise to make decisions based upon your own experiences, for you are blinds and sugar-coat every situation.

enjoy their company, and just leave it at that, at least for a couple of years. that way, you are actually able to get to know them. it's works much better this way, from what i have seen.

Monday, January 12, 2009

work

for the most part, work is hard for me. my body doesn't really like me to do it. working, however, can bring a great source of accomplishment to one's life. to know that you have done your very best and to see the fruit of your work is a result that, i think, God has blessed us with. men like to get stuff done. another good thing about work is that it really reveals who you are. it is hard to be fake when you are tired, sore, hot, and wanting to stop. i don't really work well with others, it is something that i need to work on. i get very impatient when people don't act like i think that they should. i'm very used to being the youngest person at work, so when i work this people my age, i expect them to work like the people that i am used to working with, when in all reality, there isn't any way for them to do that. it's a stupid, foolish problem that i have. 

Sunday, January 11, 2009

good kid

i was observing some young kids today and instantly in my head, i though, "oh, they are good kids." in all reality though, they aren't. they may be well-behaved and such, but they aren't really good. they are just as capable of messing up as the rest of us. i was a good kid when i was young. i'm not ignorant enough to say that i know all of my mistakes, but i know enough of them to know that i'm not a good kid. it's sad though, good kids are dismissed in some lessons because they are good, when they haven't gone through life before, they don't know how things will turn out, at least not as well as someone who has been through it before. this is the point of discipleship, to keep good kids good, and hopefully into "perfect" kids (positionally perfect, actual perfection comes later). so, grab a kid and pour your life into them, so that they don't have to make the same mistakes that you did.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

God is good

i just got home from our high school bball game against highland prep, and God blessed us with a win tonight, which was nice, cuz it was our first. we have had games the last two nights now, and during both of the games, i have really been missing bball. generally, i just miss the adrenaline rush of playing hard and what not, but at tonight's game, i found myself missing the part of everyone cheering for the team, including me. i kinda am useless on the bench. then i got made at myself. the only thing keeping me from playing, is the thing that changed me the most for the good. my ICD has definitely slowed down my life and has made it so that i can't do something, but that means that i can focus on better things now. i am no longer distracted by sports and such. looking back, if i could change anything in my life, it would be the time that i idolized sports, for that was the time that a lot of my bad habits in the other areas in my life formed. i wasn't a bad kid, but i am not particularly proud of my younger years, i just hope that i will continue to change and be more like Christ. 

mothers will be mothers

my parents have been in Hawaii for the past week and just got back tonight. one of the first things my mom does when i come in is ask if i'm hungry, and then makes me my favorite, a grilled cheese sandwich. i find this humorous and quite nice. my mother is great, i love her. she is definitely a servant. which really shows me how i should act. i'm glad i have a mom like i have. i'm glad she is back.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

sharps and flats

i would say that i am a person with very little if no musical talent, yet i am so grateful that God made music. at the moment, my favorite christian CD is Enfield, "o for that day" it has great music and even greater lyrics, i would say. it is a true pleasure to let it influence my ears. also, for the past couple of months, i have been listening to a great deal of classical music. the composers that i listen to, when they were alive, most everyone claimed to some belief in Christ, so most of the music was written for the church, though alot of also just written for the sake of music. the good thing is that i dont know which is which, so i listen to all of it as if it were for the church and to God, so it is great to listen to the beauty of it and then to imagine what the composer with thinking about when he wrote it, whether it was God Himself, or some aspect of nature or whatever, i just love it. i love putting the music to a picture in my head and to just let it wash over me, and to contemplate God the whole while. the music is somewhat distracting though when trying to do homework, but oh well :)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

sin will haunt you

i read through Genesis 18-20 tonight and something interesting caught my eye. in chapter 19, sin catches up to people. the first half of the chapter is about the destruction of sodom and gamorrah. the people there were so hideously sinful, that God completely and utterly destroyed them. the second half is about how the daughters of Lot sinned with there father. from what i can gather from the chapter, Lot never knew what had happened because he was drunk (shows that you shouldn't drink). so, his daughters basically got away with the sin that they had committed. the thing is, their sin catches up to them in the generations to come. they each had a son, and those sons became 2 nations that eventually fought and killed many israelites, who are actually their cousins. so, through the sin of those two girls, the nation of israel was punished by them. this shows that your sins will find you out, and that God is in absolute control over everything, and He will bring about what He will bring about. there isn't anything that can stop what He wants done. don't forget that. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

stupid kid

looking back on my accomplishments in life, i realize that i was, am, and will hopefully not be, a rather ridiculous stupid kid who thought he knew all the answers. i took everything that i learned, put it through my head, and then tried to do it in a way that made sense to me, but was rather idiotic. i'm not hugely disgusted with myself, because i know i had the right motives usually, but it is rather sad to see how badly i failed. 
beating something broken won't fix it, so i need to move on with my life. my mistakes just haunt me at times

Monday, January 5, 2009

curse video games

perhaps the hardest life lesson that i have learned in my short life is one that i am coming to grasp now. it is that in real life, there is no do-overs, you don't get to try again, and you don't get to take things back. whatever you do, happens, it won't change and you won't get another chance to fix it. once it happens, its out there. the reason that this is called "curse video games" is the fact that i kinda grew up on video games and because of them, i have had it ingrained in my mind that whatever happens, i can try again until i get it right. when i was younger, i would never have said that i thought this way, but in looking back on my actions, i know that i did. there are decisions that i have made in my life that i regret now, and i know that i will regret them when i get older as well. i just pray that as time goes on, i learn from my mistakes and that i don't keep doing the same thing over and over again. 
to those who are younger then me, i implore you, see reason. everything that you do in this life, will effect what happens the rest of your life. you don't get any do-overs. 
to those who are older, i hope that you already see that this life is real and unchanging. i hope that you have better sense then i have had. if not, i can tell you that there is only one way around the guilt of your past demons; and that is through the saving blood of Christ. only he can forgive you and bring a peace. 
go forth and making good, life altering decisions, for anything else will only hurt you.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

God knows what's best

my brother, jonathan sarr, james barnts, jonathan james, and i are all reading through the bible this year. tonight, while reading through matthew 2 a very interesting thing occurred to me. it's nothing new really, just something that struck me that is in a story that i have heard hundreds of times probably. it is that God told joseph to take mary and jesus to egypt because people a.k.a. herod, was trying to kill him. joseph had no idea what was going on, he just obeyed and in the end, it all turned out great and it all fulfilled all the prophesy. this is all really cool to me. i'm 18 now and about half way through my senior year in high school, so i am starting to think about having and family and such (haha, have to find a wife first, but yeah) and i don't know if i could just get up and move like that, it is a huge step of faith, and it works out, like it always does with God. i died about 9 months ago, and if i could, i would never change what happened to me. sure, i can't do alot of stuff that kids my age can do, but i am ok with that, i am in a better place then i was at, and i love it. my "event" woke me up to some stuff in my life, so i am grateful for it. people say they are sorry that this happened to me, i'm not, i might struggle with what i have to deal with at times, but when i am looking to God, everything is great. 
praise God
for everything
for He is great
don't forget it either :)

Saturday, January 3, 2009

snow

recently, marysville has received huge amounts of snow, which is really cool. we even had a white christmas, and i don't remember the last time it actually snowed on christmas. it was insane. i was talking to a friend of mine a while back about the snow, and he was just saying how amazing it all was and how our great God is in charge of it all. it is a mind blowing phenomenon. the was that each snow flake is unique and special is really cool, considering that i probably saw, literally, a billion snow flakes, and to know that every one is different and beautiful. that is very spectacular. another thing that i was very grateful for is that every year since we moved into our new house, we lost power, but this year we didn't and we had more snow and more wind then all the other years, so that was a major blessing. just shows the providence of God and his blessing for us all. another thing that i really liked about the snow this year is how it blocked off our drive way. i know that is kinda a weird thing to like, but i liked it because it made it so that we had to basically stay at home and if we did leave, it was difficult, so we didn't leave much. now, that all means that we actually had a family christmas this year, which hasn't happened for awhile. it was just our family in our house, which was very nice. we haven't had time where we were all together and where we actually were around each other for a long time, if ever, i don't remember a time where we all stayed and played games together and spent time together, it was a very nice time for us. 

grieved by the world

i have gone to a small christian school since my second year of kindergarten and i have gone to the small church that is affiliated with my school for a little longer. with that said, i would say that from that, i am very sheltered from things of the world, which i am greatly appreciative about. but because i am so sheltered, i am often very shocked and appalled by what i hear about other people doing. i am not saying that i am a saint or anything, far from it. the fact still remains though that people are wicked and do wicked things. it just surprises me how people enjoy doing those wicked things, and then brag about them, as if those acts are something to brag about to people. it is sad to see a small view of how bad this world is getting. to stand back in look at the vileness of this world should repulse people, but no one ever looks back, only forward to see what other wrecked thing that they can do to entertain themselves. 

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Grow Up

well, i have two more minutes to spare in order to post this on today, so officially, i started this on the correct day, though i won't be able to finish it until tomorrow morning, but i did what i could. 
recently, a friend of mine, who is a girl, asked me how to get some guy to leave them alone. i am rather good at getting people to not hang around me because i can be a rather unpleasant person if i choice to be. so, i told them the way that works that isn't to mean. the boy, however, didn't respond well. she had told him that her dad didn't want her to be around him, which was true, and he didn't like him. now, i know her dad and he is an extremely fun guy and he isn't unreasonable. 
now, this goes out to guys. if a dad ever ask you not to be around his daughter, you had better say, "yes sir" and not go around his daughter. that is simple the way to be. it is the responsible, honorable thing to do. just grow up and get on with life :)
now girls, if a guy is not willing to not be around you when you tell him that your father says that you can't, then he isn't a person that you should be around, and he isn't worth your time. he maybe eventually, but at the moment, he isn't. leave him alone and let him grow up a bit. it will hopefully wake him up and it will then be better for him in the greater scheme of his life.

the purpose of this blog

while listening to Sean Higgen's new year message and what he said about his resolutions. one of them gave me an idea of something that i wanted to do, and that leads to this. i am resolved to write about something that i think is worth thinking about every day this year. knowing myself, i am sure i will miss a few days out of the year, especially if i make this year exciting again, but Lord willing, i hope to write something on here every day at some point.