singularly addicted

first off, i must say that most people who look at my life would say that i don't have much of one. i would agree, i am a rather boring person for someone who is almost 20.

though i may be boring, i would say that i am a man of addictions. i have a completely one-track mind. whatever i set my mind to, that is where my focus is at no matter where i am at. i have realized this in the past few years so i have been careful as to what i have let my mind become addicted to because this addictive nature of mine has gotten me into trouble in the past.

i started to read david brainerd's diary and journal on monday of this week and all through out it, he speaks about his sinful nature and how he falls so often. this then lead me to think about my own life and to start to examine it. i started to look at the "major" sins that our church culture so focuses on and i was doing alright with those (now i'm going to totally fall from typing this). so i prayed to ask God to reveal more sin in my life. i knew that i was still not doing what God wanted me to do, and i knew that He knew what i should be doing, so i asked Him. i got back an interesting conviction, one that will be difficult for me, though great for me (yes, God is so good to give us things to do that are good for us).

i have often prayed that God would make me into a man who is singularly addicted to Him and His Word though i was never quite ready until now (i think) to actually follow through with this. (side note: i read today numbers 25:10-15 where phinehas, because of his zeal, killed a man and woman for their sin, thus saving the israelites from a plague. i then prayed for zeal like this.)

the reason that i have never been ready to follow through with this prayer is because i have alway hung onto the little pleasures of this life and enjoyed them in my free time rather than enjoying God all the time. i have been on a media fast this past week, which media is one of my vices, and this has been great for me. it has shown me how dependent i am on the things of this world. i look to them for comfort and pleasure rather then to God. this is the thing that i seek to change. my nearly-constant prayer this week has been "God is sufficient" and He is. God is all that i really need and with Him, i'll be fine. so with this, i hope to be singularly addicted to God - His character, Word, and the person for God.

this, however, will take on a different form then i ever thought possible. it is not a life of only reading and thinking and praying to and about God. NO! that has been my great mistake. it is not that at all. it is a life that looks like God. so yes, there is much time of prayer and study, but there is so much more than that. there is also the life of reaching the lost (a thing a hugely struggle with). there is also the life of fellowship (another thing i struggle with), and there is also the life of living it out. we cannot go into this world and expect them to be open to the gospel at every turn, some will be open and so we must do that at times, but there is also the part where we live God out for all to see. when you help people for no reason, this shows God. when you are kind, this shows God. when you are patient, this shows God. and the list just goes on and on. theses are the things that we are to do. we are not to be hermits (which is what i would like to be, bad me) but we are to be in the world, though not of it. we are to be the light, we are to be the salt. we are to be the "christ" of this world.

this, i pray, will be my new life direction. God is so good.