when God is big but i am bigger

i have been praying lately that God would reveal my sin to me so that i may know what to "work on." i am a afraid that i may have asked to see something that i don't want to know.

while i was cleaning and getting the house ready for one28 staff meeting this morning, i was thinking about something, i don't remember quite what, and it lead me to think about my pride. since then, i have come to the conclusion that i am perhaps the most prideful person in the world, especially considering what i have going for me. i mean, what do i have to be prideful of? i can't run, let alone show off, i can hardly remember anything that happened yesterday day any more, i look dead tired all the time, i'm a jerk, which people don't really enjoy hanging out with people who are jerks, and i'm a total sinner. so what do i have going for me personally, meaning what have i done? basically nothing worth bringing attention to, yet i act like i know and can do everything. how pathetic is that!

i'm really not happy about how i have lived my life so far, and i'm only 19. that isn't a whole lot of time to screw up, considering that the first 4 years i can't even remember and the next 8 after that are really fuzzy.

so, i have no recognized the problem, that is great, but the poison that is running through my veins isn't going to stop or help me. no, i must do something. these are a few things that i have thought up today as i was thinking about what to do. first off, pray. i must ask God to give me a higher and more thorough view of Himself and more love for other people. also, to cultivate more love for God which i plan to do by focusing on His character as i read through the bible in the next few months. lastly, which this might be the weirdest one that when i am around people to actually engage with them. i have a hard time talking to people in general so this will be a stretch for me but i also think that it will be good for me.

another thought that i had today. i was thinking about my pride and i came to realize that the thing that i loved most about public speaking is that people come and talk to you and thank you and such. it wasn't so much the study part of it, though i do really enjoy that, deadlines are good for me, but i like the spotlight. with that in mind, i have no idea what God wants me to do with my life. i can't be an effective pastor if i just live to speak on sunday and neglect the church, no, it is people work. it is life work. at the same time though, there is nothing else that i love to do, except read but that isn't really an occupation. i feel drawn to ministry, though i'm afraid it may just be my pride longing for it.

i wish i could grasp how small i really am

soli deo gloria

in many christian circles, if not all, the main thing in life that is stressed is what we are not to do: don't lie, don't murder, don't lust, don't covet, and the list goes on and on. while this is needful for the christian walk, it is still missing a whole lot.

another thing that is stressed is what to do: serve the elderly, adopt orphans, give to the needy, worship, pray, read your bible, this list also goes on and on and this list also misses a whole lot.

we have the do's and don't's (if that's a word) of the christian life basically memorized but i ask "to what means?" why do we do or don't do all of these things? what is the purpose behind them? why not do them or why don't do them? what is our motive?

this is what, i believe, the real issue. why do any of these things? as the title of this post suggest (to those who don't know "soli deo gloria" means "to the glory of God alone") we are to do these things for a single reason and that reason is the glory of God. in everything that you do, you are to do it for God and His glory. any other reason is sin. doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is just as bad as doing the wrong thing (perhaps not morally but spiritually). all that we do, we are to do for the glory of the God that created us. we were put on this earth for the very purpose of bringing God pleasure and glory. all that He made, he made to show Himself off. He is the only one who can show off and He is going to show Himself off because He is worthy to be shown off. no matter how cool you think you are, you are nothing compared to God. he is the one who made the mountains, the seas, the atoms, the electrons, the quarks, the planets, the sun, the stars, the galaxies, the universe and all matter. He made it all for Himself because He could. He did it all with just His words. this is the God that we are to worship and bring glory to.

i challenge you. look at your life. in what areas can you change or do away with in order to bring God the upmost glory. do not settle for giving Him some glory, He is worthy of all glory. every minute of your existence should be spent bringing glory to God, so do it. it will consume your whole life, but it will be a life well spent. a life that is satisfying. a life worth living.

singularly addicted

first off, i must say that most people who look at my life would say that i don't have much of one. i would agree, i am a rather boring person for someone who is almost 20.

though i may be boring, i would say that i am a man of addictions. i have a completely one-track mind. whatever i set my mind to, that is where my focus is at no matter where i am at. i have realized this in the past few years so i have been careful as to what i have let my mind become addicted to because this addictive nature of mine has gotten me into trouble in the past.

i started to read david brainerd's diary and journal on monday of this week and all through out it, he speaks about his sinful nature and how he falls so often. this then lead me to think about my own life and to start to examine it. i started to look at the "major" sins that our church culture so focuses on and i was doing alright with those (now i'm going to totally fall from typing this). so i prayed to ask God to reveal more sin in my life. i knew that i was still not doing what God wanted me to do, and i knew that He knew what i should be doing, so i asked Him. i got back an interesting conviction, one that will be difficult for me, though great for me (yes, God is so good to give us things to do that are good for us).

i have often prayed that God would make me into a man who is singularly addicted to Him and His Word though i was never quite ready until now (i think) to actually follow through with this. (side note: i read today numbers 25:10-15 where phinehas, because of his zeal, killed a man and woman for their sin, thus saving the israelites from a plague. i then prayed for zeal like this.)

the reason that i have never been ready to follow through with this prayer is because i have alway hung onto the little pleasures of this life and enjoyed them in my free time rather than enjoying God all the time. i have been on a media fast this past week, which media is one of my vices, and this has been great for me. it has shown me how dependent i am on the things of this world. i look to them for comfort and pleasure rather then to God. this is the thing that i seek to change. my nearly-constant prayer this week has been "God is sufficient" and He is. God is all that i really need and with Him, i'll be fine. so with this, i hope to be singularly addicted to God - His character, Word, and the person for God.

this, however, will take on a different form then i ever thought possible. it is not a life of only reading and thinking and praying to and about God. NO! that has been my great mistake. it is not that at all. it is a life that looks like God. so yes, there is much time of prayer and study, but there is so much more than that. there is also the life of reaching the lost (a thing a hugely struggle with). there is also the life of fellowship (another thing i struggle with), and there is also the life of living it out. we cannot go into this world and expect them to be open to the gospel at every turn, some will be open and so we must do that at times, but there is also the part where we live God out for all to see. when you help people for no reason, this shows God. when you are kind, this shows God. when you are patient, this shows God. and the list just goes on and on. theses are the things that we are to do. we are not to be hermits (which is what i would like to be, bad me) but we are to be in the world, though not of it. we are to be the light, we are to be the salt. we are to be the "christ" of this world.

this, i pray, will be my new life direction. God is so good.

media fast

today, we of one28 heard a great message from nathaniel, from that comes this.

with snow retreat a mere week away and the need for spiritual refreshing needful, i propose this. for this next week, i will indulge in no media other than that which is glorifying to God. this means nothing that is "ok" to watch but only that which is glorifying. basically, i will listen to worship music and read books, specifically David Brainerd's diary and journal. also, for the majority of this week, i plan to get up extra early to spend extra time with God in the morning, mostly in prayer because i also read in the morning so the extra time will be for prayer.

we have so little time left to prepare ourselves for sr and we must captivate it. while most students have finals this next week, God blesses. serve Him first and He will bless you in everything else. don't reject your studies, but i only ask that you put them second rather than first in the things that you have to do.

excel still more, pursue Christ.

the power of the gospel

i get the opportunity today to speak in elementary chapel at GA. this will be the youngest group i have even spoken to, though i have done chapel for them before with the SLC.
i always have a hard time picking the specific topic that i am going to speak on when ever i get the chance to speak. i was thinking about doing a missionary biographical message, then also possible about pilgrim's progress, but while both of those would have been good, these kids are young, wouldn't it be best to try and win them for Christ when they are this young, and perhaps i might have a hand in that if i were to teach on the gospel. that is why i choose this, the gospel, to speak on today. i want to play a part for winning souls for the kingdom. i now face the challenge of speaking to the kids and to keep them engaged and to then also explain it well to them. luckily for me, God is good, He is the one that saves, all i must do is my best and leave the rest to Him. i must speak and He must work. wow! as humans, we get the easy job, all we must do is to speak about the things that have saved us from damnation, which should be easy to do, and God will use these things to save others from the same destruction. yet i often find myself cowering at the thought of sharing my faith. i have on occasion, but i have also missed many opportunities, and the guys that i had the most impact on are no longer around me for they no long work with me. i have done little with the time that i had with them. i may have spoken to them a few times, but it wasn't near as many opportunities that i had to speak. i was shy. i now must pray for their souls and hope that God will call them through another person, for i have failed. God is good though, He is in control, not me, but i must do better for my own conscience and for His glory. a coward isn't pleasing to anyone.
God is good

golden calf

in exodus 32, aaron makes for the people of israel a golden calf and sets it up for them to worship, saying that it is the god that delivered them from the egyptians.
there is the overview. now then, what is wrong with this? aaron didn't set up for them false gods but made something and claimed that it was the image of the real God. so the problem is not false religion. the problem is that aaron tried to set up something from earth as looking like God. first off, if aaron were to make an image of God, he should have made it in the form of a man for we were made in the image of God. however, the second commandment says to not make any graven image to bow down to. so, it doesn't matter what the image is depicting, even if it is supposed to be God, we are not to bow down to it, for we worship and serve an invisible God, one whose very face will kill any man who sees it, even moses, the only man to ever see God with his human eyes, is only allowed to see the back of God. the problem here is that there is an image, it doesn't matter what the image is, for whatever image we set is less than the glory and magnificent of God which would then make it unworthy of worship. only God is worthy of praise.

the israelites try to do the right thing in that they just want an image to put to the name, even though it is also completely wrong, but how much worst are we who put other things in front of God. anything that we put more time, thought, or money into we are setting above God in our hearts. we should make God our focus and not anything else. this is and will be a constant struggle in the life of all believers but it is a good struggle for we should want to please our God, Creator, and Savior. we will fail at this but we must not give up. this is the human life, one of failure, but also one of growth. we will fail again but pray that when we fail that it is not the same as the last time that we failed. we must strive to be better than what we were yesterday. we must strive to know God better. spurgeon said something along the lines of "better theology makes better christians for the better we know our God, the better we can follow him" (that is a terrible paraphrase but oh well, sorry spurgeon). in order to serve someone, we must know who they are and want they like and what they want. so, to serve God better, we must know Him, know His standard, and then do it. this is why spurgeon read, on average, 6 substantial theology books a week. while no one else can basically do that cuz spurgeon was a stud and a genius, we can take that idea and alter it for our lives, even if that means that it is one theology book a decade, something is better than nothing.

resovled

well, last year my new year resolution didn't last too long but i still rather enjoyed doing it, what would have been blogging every day about something. so this year, i have a new resolution.
while looking at my life, i have noticed that i waste so much time on stuff that doesn't matter. i tend to watch many movies, play many video games, and spend much time watching tv and these are just to main some of the few basics. i think that this is a problem. there are plenty of good things that i can spend my time doing that i actually love to do, so this year, i hope to do that. i want to not watch media except when i am with people (which if you know me, isn't often) so that i can spend more time reading. i have plenty of good books to read that i would like to get around to reading so i'm going to make myself do that this year. also, for entertainment, i want to read biographies about old people, people who have impacted the kingdom. i want to be reading 3 books at a time: one old, one contemporary and then one biography. i know that this will be a positive thing for me to do so i am going to shoot to do this.
any one what to join me?

constrain yourself to be spiritually minded

a quote from oswald chambers:
"it is possible to have a saved and sanctified experience and a stagnant mind. learn how to make your mind awake and fervid, and when once your mind is awake never let it go to sleep. the brain doesn't not need rest, it only needs change of work. the intellect works with the greatest intensity when it works continuously; the more you do, the more you can do. we must work hard to keep in trim for God. clean off the rust and keep bright by use."

sleep

sleep is perhaps one of the greatest waste of time and one of the things that i enjoy the most in life and, at the same time, wish that i could do without. i enjoy sleep because it is easy, relaxing, and refreshing. yet there is a major flaw with sleep. you have to do it. i wish that i could only sleep if i wanted to so that i could stay up all night, at times, and read to my hearts content. at other times i could then sleep and be no less tired. i do concede that it is a necessary evil that is good for us and shows our dependency upon God to sustain us and that we really can't do anything on our own. it is a really lame thing to have to spend a third of our time unconscious because we were made that way, slightly ironic.

it is good to think upon all the little things that God has put into our lives to make it so that we rely upon Him. sleep being one, but then also eating, drinking, breathing. these are all things that God designed for our survive, dependance, and also enjoyment. oh that we serve a Being that love us so much so as to give us things that we would not imagine for our enjoyment so that we have yet another thing to give Him praise for. to have a God who knows us perfectly and gives us only the things that will make us more like Him in the end - if we are His children.

it is interesting and fun to think that one day, we will be like God in a more close sense, for while now we are similar to His slightly, for we are created in Him image. one day we will be perfect and that will allow us to commune with Him which will be glorious. the things of this world will pass away and be replaced with a new world where we will be serving and praise God for all eternity and that will completely satisfy us to the fullest. we will want nothing more. i'm excited, hopeful, and longing after that time that is to come. we are here for a mere moment before we pass into eternity. make this moment count for it is the only one that has any influence upon the eternity to come.

hard times

while easy times are, in fact, easy. hard times are much better for the christian walk because hard times make us realize our dependency upon God. we should not get depressed in hard times as much as we should pray, for pray can move mountains while depression kills souls.

a light re-lite

tonight, anne heartline passed away from a long bout with cancer. anne was my 3rd and 4th grade sunday school teacher. she has impacted hundreds of young kids for Christ through that ministry. she has also been in and out of hospitals for over 12 years (i'm not sure the count) and has impacted hundreds of people through that ministry as well. she has been encouraging and witnessing to patients and doctors the whole time. this lady lived this life in light of the next, and while she has passed away, she is now in heaven with God, which is must more glorious and where she would rather be even if she was health. this lady, anne, did not live her life for comfort, for money, or even for family, or for anything in this life. she lived this life knowing full well what is coming after this life. she lived for significance rather then success.

now then, how should we live our lives? how are you living your life? are you living to see how much stuff you can get or how many friends you can make on facebook? or do you live your life trying to impact the future? does your life have meaning? you must ask yourself this question. do not continue going through life living for yourself. you must do something more. see reason. to waste a life on things to gratify yourself when they won't even fulfill you is not a life but a depression. to look for meaning in places that will drive you everywhere but where actually meaning exist is not good but a journey that will quickly wane to the point of failure.

look to something better. anne looked to one thing and this one thing, she wanted everyone that she ever met to know about this thing because she knew that this thing could and would satisfy everyone for eternity. she knew that you would have to look not further in order to find the meaning in your life, that you could actually then live a life that is worth living. she pointed towards Christ. she lived for Him and she lived Him out. she did not merely claim Christ but she walked with Him. her life had meaning because of this. her life will be remember with this in mind. everyone who knows her will remember this about her, this is what she would want to be remember: Christ, not her. she would rather have you look at Christ then anything that she ever did. so i ask you now, look to Christ. stop living for this life and start to live for the next. live for significance and not for success. live with purpose. live with joy. live with Christ.

belief = something else

acts 16:31 "believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..."

this post will focus basically entirely on the word "believe" just so that you who are reading this will be aware.

webster's new world dictionary definition of believe: to take as true, real; to trust a statement or promise of (a person); to suppose or think; to have faith

vine's concise dictionary of the bible: greek word pisteuo meaning to believe, to be persuaded of, to place confidence in, to trust, signifies reliance upon, not mere credence.

while i would say that these definitions are similar, the english definition is slightly misleading to the point of the verse. i would truly love to unpack this word and shed some light on what i believe this verse is meaning.

i have no idea how long i have been saved and if you were to hear my testimony, you would understand why i have a hard time pin-pointing my conversion. however, i do know that i have been saved for the past year and a half and i have been putting in quite a bit of study time since then, trying to make up for wasted, lost time in my life. in the time, i have yet to read, heard, or experienced anything that is contrary to what i am thinking about this passage.
in salvation, we have something glorious, something that we should not want to give away for any reason, a thing that brings us untamable joy and assurance, a relationship with Christ.
i enjoy sitting a sipping at a nice, hot cup of coffee, i like the taste of it and i really like the caffeine that is in it that wakes me up so that i can actually function through out the day. i bring this up because, while this is simplified, Christ should be the same way for us. we should crave those quiet time with Him, He should be our sustenance for the day, that thing that gets us through a long hard day. He is always with us through prayer and meditation on scripture.
there is only one way to get through life, present and eternal, and that way is through Christ. as acts 16:31 says, all we must do it to believe on Christ. yet what does that constitute. there are no qualifiers or limiters in this verse on this phrase so that has to mean that we must believe on Christ to the fullest extent. not only that He created the world, but that He can and is the only one to save us. i think that many of us see both of those though and we can reckon with that and still live life basically the way that we want. however, Christ doesn't want us to live the life that we want, He wants us to live the life that He wants (because it is best for us but i won't get into that in this post).
God created us in His image. He created us for His glory. how do we bring glory to Him? by worshiping, praising, and living for Him, but making Him our all. this is what we are to do. when we say that we believe in Him (a believe that leads to eternal life), we are also saying that we believe that He is the only person in whom we can find enjoyment.
He must be the only thing that we find joy in. this doesn't mean that all we do is read our bibles and pray all day, but that in everything we do, we realize that it is truly from God, that we wouldn't have it unless He gave it to us, and we are enjoying it in a way that would please Him, and praise Him and thank Him for it. it is not enough to live a life that upholds the law of scripture if we do not have the attitude of scripture as well. if you up hold every outward law, yet partake in every inward law, then you are a white-washed tomb, full of dead men's bones, on the slow and easy path to eternity to hell.
wake up and smell the roses and the sweet life that could be yours in Christ. this world only looks appealing until you've tasted, chewed, and digested the goodness of Christ.


(while writing this, my mind wasn't working well, and i was slightly, completely scatter-brained so hopefully this makes sense.)

power of prayer

of all the resources, books, and skills of handling literature that i have and have been taught, the most useful thing that i know when it comes to studying scripture is something that all believers have and that is the power of prayer.

when peter, the fisherman, wrote his letters that ended up in our bible, all he had was what he had been through and prayer. he was a simple and uneducated man, yet his works have lasted and will last until the end of time.

prayer is the key to unlock all the doors and gates to the scriptures. God is faithful to give to those who merely ask. ask for answers and He will be sure to give them to you. as christians, we have the Spirit of God in us who is wanting to reveal the secrets of God to you, but He is simple waiting for you to ask Him to reveal it to you.

pray and ask, God is good, He will give it

light of the world

matthew 5:14-16 has been on my mind for about 3 weeks now, and i have finally decided to write something about it.

"you are the light of the world. a city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp-stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

this is speaking to christian. if you claim Christ, this should be you.
light is the one of the things in this world that we can not live without. we need light of some sort, preferably sunlight. there is very little that we can do with no light, sleep and breathing are about the only things that we could excel at in absolute darkness. in plainness, we need light.
as christians, we are that light. we should be helpers, teachers, counselors, preachers, workers, instructors, and friends in everything that we do. lights are useful and in the same way, we should be too. we should be the people that everyone wants to do the work because we do it right and fast. we should be the ones that people call for help, not oprah or dr. phil.
a light in a dark room can not be ignored, so we too should be the same way. this does not mean that we are obnoxious but bright. we should have attention on us. if people want light, they will gather towards us, and if they strive to be in darkness they will shun us, but either way, we should be noticed and a response should have to be made, we should not, and can not blend in to the crowd. there is one time that we are to be obnoxious though, and that is when we are so bright in the current situation, that all others not of the light will have to shield their eyes from you and push you away. this can happen in two situation: either the light is so bright or the darkness is so thick, either way people will not like the light.
if you are not liked though, that is ok. for as the light goes forth and pierces the darkness, it can and should cause sparks, which God can then make into a new flame, which is all the more glorious. when hit with a spark, it hurts, people don't like it. but when that spark starts a fire, it doesn't hurt but makes more of itself (that kinda breaks down but that is ok, cuz fire actually does hurt, but whatever, figure out what i'm trying to say). when a new fire is started, it not longer cares but getting hit by the spark but does in fact, love it and will love the light. this is what we want, more fire.
fire is sustained by fuel, this fuel is the Word and prayer (among other things such as fellowship, etc. ). so if our fuel is the Word and prayer, then should be reading all we can and then praying about it as much as we can. this things go together and make us better.
i have more on this but it is now time for work
go forth and be bright lights. examine your lives to see if there is anything that Christ is revealing to you that will make you even brighter lights.

and the time of death?

the title of this has little reference to the actual content of this post, except for the fact that it has the words "time" and "death" in it.
so, first on time after death. since we know that God is outside of time and that time was in fact made for it's usefulness to man, i believe that when we die, it will instantly be the end time because we will then be outside of time as well. there will be no more day or night. so while time may in fact pass, it won't matter to us, it will all be the same. i have no real solid scripture for this, it's just a thought at the moment to me.
but with that, i am excited to die, not only because it means the end of this life, but mostly because it is the beginning of the next life. i am excited for the second coming and to see Christ fully glorified to the upmost. He will finally display all His glory for all man to see, believers and unbelievers and we will all bow the knee and worship Him, which will be a great and marvelous day. the sad part is that some will then be sentence to eternity in hell. which since there is not day or night for the time pieces that God had set up at the beginning are done away with, eternity will seem like one day and that day will last forever. that forever though will be either in agony or in utter rejoicing and praise to God. i look forward to singing with a good voice and learning for all of eternity about the character of God. i pity those who have not been elected to have God's pleasure bestowed upon them. however, with that, since we don't know who it is that is elect, we should be evangelizing to all of those that are around us. for if we know of the gift or curse that will coming in the end, we should be excited about it and telling everyone and wishing no one to hell for lack of telling. we should not be selfish enough to keep the glory of God to ourselves because we are afraid of what men might think. men are stupid, in generally, and it doesn't matter what they think, only God and eternity matters. we have a mere 80ish years on the earth to do what it is that we are going to do, and in that time, what we do will effect all of our eternity. don't think that you get 80 years, think and live like you will get only one more minute, and at the end of your 80 years, you will be proud of how you have lived them, never regretting but glad of how you spent them.
go out and live, for tomorrow we die :)