while looking to this easter season that we are now coming into, i look to myself to see how i am while in this graceful season of my life. as i look into my own soul, i am scared at what i find. i see a young man who, instead of living for God, i live for myself. i follow the laws of God that are convenient at the time for me and i am scared that i am like that. i want to be a man after the heart of God, not one who pleases self.
i see the problem and i pray that God will give me the strength to do what i must. i can't live like the world. i am set apart; i am different; i am alive; i am saved, yet i live just like the world. this is not to be. i see my heart and i see filth, not Christ. what am i to do? i am so weak, there is nothing i can do. i always fail. no matter how long i stop a sin, i eventually fail. there is much fighting, much parrying and many wounds in this battle for my soul, but i see little victory, only failure. how can i cleanse my heart? there seems to be no end to the rags that are needed to cleanse my heart. i trample on the robe that i am clothed with, that Christ gave me to cover my sins.
i do not make little of Christ's sacrifice. i know i am perfectly clean in Christ. this is not the point. the point is that i am to live like Christ now that i am save and i see myself falling short here. the only reason i fail is because i choose sin over God and nothing else. the good that is worked in my i know is only of God because of how black my heart is. i need more Christ in my life, the problem is that i already have Christ and Him to the fullest for he withholds no good thing from His children. i am just so sinful. my past sins are forgiven but it is my future sins that i am worried about. i see the sin that my flesh wants to do and i am afraid that i might do it. what am i to do about a soul that is run by it's flesh, for my flesh is so weak thus making it strong.
i pray that i my surpass paul and do the things that i want to do and not do the things that i don't want to do.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
jeremiah
i just finished reading the book of jeremiah this morning and i have to say that this guy did not have a fun job. i, like most people, don't like to do uncomfortable things. this guys job description was uncomfortable things. God came to him when he was young and told him that he was going to bring God's Word to the people and this word was one that would predict their fall and destruction. most people don't enjoy being told how and by whom they are going to be killed by, it's not fun to know. jeremiah though goes on for 51 quite long chapters basically all saying how the people are going to die or be captured and then records their response which isn't generally good.
the thing though that gets me is the 1). jeremiah was faithful to say the words of God. he could have just left them to the destruction and said, "forget this" but he instead warns them about what is going to happen.
2). now in chapter 1, God does promise to protect jeremiah and to not let him die. now God does generally use human means to meet His goals which causes me to think that in order to protect jeremiah, he put into jeremiah a spirit of gentleness and genuine love for the people to see them as people and for him to want the people to come back to God. when jeremiah warned to people, i can't get away from the fact that he must have been trying really hard to win them for Christ even though he knew that they were going to not listen. this right here is hard for me. a guy who is speaking to people who will die, trying to win them; while i speak to people who will not die and who have a chance to be redeemed and yet i have trouble talking to them in love in order to win them. this right here does not make sense. i have been praying for a heart for the souls of man for quite some time now and i see some fruit from that, but i know that i need more of a heart for men's souls. to know that there are souls who are joyously running to hell while not knowing it and i have the means to stop them and do nothing to do so, this is sin and is the equivalent, in my mind, of manslaughter. how can i sit by by and watch men burn. this is as sick as nero who played his violin while rome burned after he lit it on fire (a theory i choose to believe :)
while my heart has been turned from stone to flesh, i need it turned to water so that it may more easily splash on others around me.
the thing though that gets me is the 1). jeremiah was faithful to say the words of God. he could have just left them to the destruction and said, "forget this" but he instead warns them about what is going to happen.
2). now in chapter 1, God does promise to protect jeremiah and to not let him die. now God does generally use human means to meet His goals which causes me to think that in order to protect jeremiah, he put into jeremiah a spirit of gentleness and genuine love for the people to see them as people and for him to want the people to come back to God. when jeremiah warned to people, i can't get away from the fact that he must have been trying really hard to win them for Christ even though he knew that they were going to not listen. this right here is hard for me. a guy who is speaking to people who will die, trying to win them; while i speak to people who will not die and who have a chance to be redeemed and yet i have trouble talking to them in love in order to win them. this right here does not make sense. i have been praying for a heart for the souls of man for quite some time now and i see some fruit from that, but i know that i need more of a heart for men's souls. to know that there are souls who are joyously running to hell while not knowing it and i have the means to stop them and do nothing to do so, this is sin and is the equivalent, in my mind, of manslaughter. how can i sit by by and watch men burn. this is as sick as nero who played his violin while rome burned after he lit it on fire (a theory i choose to believe :)
while my heart has been turned from stone to flesh, i need it turned to water so that it may more easily splash on others around me.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
a people of praise
isaiah 43:20-21 "the wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for i give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom i formed for myself that they might declare my praise."
i read this verse just now and i was convicted on how little i praise and worship God in my everyday life. i spend most of my day trying to live for God, trying to build up courage to witness, and to live out Christ but i forget the main reason that we humans are on earth. our main goal is none of those things, we were created for one reason, to worship God. yes, we worship God by and through those things, but they are secondary things to the worship of God. however, in order to worship God correctly, we must be striving to live the way that He wants us to live so that we do not only worship Him with our mouths but also with our actions. our mouths though must be there! people were said that they only worship God with their mouths in the bible but we seldom do that outside of church. i know a few people who sing on a regular basis. we should be singing, and if not singing, then talking a lot about God in our lives.
i read this verse just now and i was convicted on how little i praise and worship God in my everyday life. i spend most of my day trying to live for God, trying to build up courage to witness, and to live out Christ but i forget the main reason that we humans are on earth. our main goal is none of those things, we were created for one reason, to worship God. yes, we worship God by and through those things, but they are secondary things to the worship of God. however, in order to worship God correctly, we must be striving to live the way that He wants us to live so that we do not only worship Him with our mouths but also with our actions. our mouths though must be there! people were said that they only worship God with their mouths in the bible but we seldom do that outside of church. i know a few people who sing on a regular basis. we should be singing, and if not singing, then talking a lot about God in our lives.
Monday, March 22, 2010
today is the day that i died
today marks my 2nd deathday counting from my event. there has been much change in my life since then. most people, if they were faced with my situation would not find joy in it. much has happened in my life yet this is one of the few things that i would absolutely not change. the amount of good that has come from this is amazing.
here are some of those things: first for other people. i have seen the most growth in my dad in these last 2 years then in the rest of his life and it started at my event and God continued from there. he has gone from the leader of our family that is influenced by God to a godly leader who goes to his knees first and from there, God raises him higher then if he were to stand on his own. my event helped him to trust God more and from there, God has brought bigger obstacles, for my dad, that would cause my dad to trust God even more and more public. it's awesome to see my dad trust on unseen things to take care of all the seen things around him.
my mom has also grown a lot and the best way to put it is that she has grown up since my event. it's cool to think that God has taken a little country girl, had her marry my dad, and make her slowly in to a godly girl though she does still talk like a hick at times ;) through my event, God prepared my mom, slightly, for the life of trust and chaos that would follow. whether it be doctor bills, an engagement, or going to china to get a new brother, my mom really does handle a ton and she handles it well.
its must more difficult to say how my siblings have changed from my event but i can say that in general, we have all gotten close as a family. john has also brought us all together even more which is great. we now do stuff together all the time, or so it seems. i'm not quite used to it yet but i do think its good, though we don't really have any good board games.
it has also been good to see how people around me have responded to it. while it is still kinda embarrassing, my story makes you think about death and the fact that it could come at any second and i am in the 3% of people who survive. so what makes you think you'll have more time? if God will use this event to get people to stop thinking about the life that they are living so that they think about death so that they will think about the life that they are going to be living so that they can live for that life now, i am excited for that. i want to see that happen. that would encourage and bring joy to my heart.
my event has also effected me a lot. k, so that is a little bit of an understatement but oh well. first though, i would not wish what happened to me on anyone else. while it has been great for me, God totally prepared me for this to happen so that it would be a good thing. for this to happen to me was great, it was what i needed. there are though a lot of "tough" things though and i'm sure most people wouldn't enjoy them.
with that said though, i'm glad that i die. my death has been one of the greatest factors for me in finding out what i should do with my life. i now know that there is nothing else that i can do that i want to do and that i would enjoy to do with my life except to do ministry. i would go even farther and say public ministry, some form of teaching/evangelism (i am a coward so i would not at all be surprised if God had me do evangelism because i fear man so much). i feel compelled and convicted that i have to do this with my life, which basically means that if i do anything else, it's sin. so, i have a really short lists of jobs to narrow down, all i got to do is to foster my relationship with God and let Him do the rest (though really my fostering my relationship with God is really all God's doing so i just basically have to do nothing except what i want to do so that's quite nice because what i want to do is to please God, so it works).
also, i have even less energy than i had before i died so i have to think through on how i want to use the little energy i have. this is good for me because i have to only do the things that are most important to me. this really shows where my heart is at. i can't stay up late any more and do everything that i want, i can only do the things that are important to me which means that i have to choose between God and other things. i have seen where i will choose other things but i have also seen how God is working on making me not want those things any more so that i can spend my energy for Him. i am excited to forget the things of this world.
well, there are more things that i could write but my morning is quickly escaping me so i will end it here. but i'll end with this. i can't remember anything that happened the morning that i die. i just woke up a few days later in the hospital. so, if your heart were to go into V.Fib today and you were to pass out instantly and die and be in the 97% of people who don't survive V.Fib, would you be ready to die and would you be doing what you want to be doing when you die? i had 3 EKG and 3 echocardiograms before i die and the doctors said that i was fine. if you haven't had any of that or even if you have, your heart could give out at any second, or really any other organ could give out if God chose to do that to you, and you would die, so what would happen to you?
here are some of those things: first for other people. i have seen the most growth in my dad in these last 2 years then in the rest of his life and it started at my event and God continued from there. he has gone from the leader of our family that is influenced by God to a godly leader who goes to his knees first and from there, God raises him higher then if he were to stand on his own. my event helped him to trust God more and from there, God has brought bigger obstacles, for my dad, that would cause my dad to trust God even more and more public. it's awesome to see my dad trust on unseen things to take care of all the seen things around him.
my mom has also grown a lot and the best way to put it is that she has grown up since my event. it's cool to think that God has taken a little country girl, had her marry my dad, and make her slowly in to a godly girl though she does still talk like a hick at times ;) through my event, God prepared my mom, slightly, for the life of trust and chaos that would follow. whether it be doctor bills, an engagement, or going to china to get a new brother, my mom really does handle a ton and she handles it well.
its must more difficult to say how my siblings have changed from my event but i can say that in general, we have all gotten close as a family. john has also brought us all together even more which is great. we now do stuff together all the time, or so it seems. i'm not quite used to it yet but i do think its good, though we don't really have any good board games.
it has also been good to see how people around me have responded to it. while it is still kinda embarrassing, my story makes you think about death and the fact that it could come at any second and i am in the 3% of people who survive. so what makes you think you'll have more time? if God will use this event to get people to stop thinking about the life that they are living so that they think about death so that they will think about the life that they are going to be living so that they can live for that life now, i am excited for that. i want to see that happen. that would encourage and bring joy to my heart.
my event has also effected me a lot. k, so that is a little bit of an understatement but oh well. first though, i would not wish what happened to me on anyone else. while it has been great for me, God totally prepared me for this to happen so that it would be a good thing. for this to happen to me was great, it was what i needed. there are though a lot of "tough" things though and i'm sure most people wouldn't enjoy them.
with that said though, i'm glad that i die. my death has been one of the greatest factors for me in finding out what i should do with my life. i now know that there is nothing else that i can do that i want to do and that i would enjoy to do with my life except to do ministry. i would go even farther and say public ministry, some form of teaching/evangelism (i am a coward so i would not at all be surprised if God had me do evangelism because i fear man so much). i feel compelled and convicted that i have to do this with my life, which basically means that if i do anything else, it's sin. so, i have a really short lists of jobs to narrow down, all i got to do is to foster my relationship with God and let Him do the rest (though really my fostering my relationship with God is really all God's doing so i just basically have to do nothing except what i want to do so that's quite nice because what i want to do is to please God, so it works).
also, i have even less energy than i had before i died so i have to think through on how i want to use the little energy i have. this is good for me because i have to only do the things that are most important to me. this really shows where my heart is at. i can't stay up late any more and do everything that i want, i can only do the things that are important to me which means that i have to choose between God and other things. i have seen where i will choose other things but i have also seen how God is working on making me not want those things any more so that i can spend my energy for Him. i am excited to forget the things of this world.
well, there are more things that i could write but my morning is quickly escaping me so i will end it here. but i'll end with this. i can't remember anything that happened the morning that i die. i just woke up a few days later in the hospital. so, if your heart were to go into V.Fib today and you were to pass out instantly and die and be in the 97% of people who don't survive V.Fib, would you be ready to die and would you be doing what you want to be doing when you die? i had 3 EKG and 3 echocardiograms before i die and the doctors said that i was fine. if you haven't had any of that or even if you have, your heart could give out at any second, or really any other organ could give out if God chose to do that to you, and you would die, so what would happen to you?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
what to do?
i am at the point in my life where i have nothing really keeping me where i am at. i have no huge responsibilities that keep me from leaving, no girl, no job that i can't leave really, a church that would support me at least with prayers, and no school. with that said, i am still wondering what i should be doing now. i know that i am called to ministry, i just don't know what ministry. i love kids, people, the lost, souls, teaching, studying, and the world; that basically covers the spectrum, so what am i to do?
i am not really worried about finding out what i am to do but i am worried that i am not spending my time the best way that i can. i do what i can to study as much as i can and i am praying that God would give me an even greater love for the Word. i do struggle much with fear of man so i am also working and praying through all of that, which is discouraging cuz i am so fearful. my prayer life is not good, i would probably call it terrible, which is also annoying. i am praying more than i every have but i am still not praying without ceasing. i am encouraged because i have seen a great part of my flesh killed which i have been struggling to kill for years and at shepherd's conference this year, i don't even remember what it was, but something caused me to realize that i need to trust God's timing with all things and i am now much more content with life in general. it is not enough though to just kill flesh but we also must pray that God would grow our souls. we must become more like Christ, not just less like the world. it takes both things.
so far, this post has been no conclusive, so what is the prognosis? well, all i can do now is to do what i feel led to do. there is one thing that really appeals to me and that is teaching and studying. i love to teach and to have the need/accountability to have to study, that is good for me. so, i am going to do what is needful for that profession. however, i know what God is good and that He can do anything he wants to do with me, so i am totally open to do whatever. i am even loose with my life. i would really have no problem dying. i have died before though it wasn't dramatic, as far as i know. i am not sure i could stand torture but i am not afraid to die. i am curious though how this view will change if God gives me a wife. so as of now, i guess i will be going to school and such though i do not really want to. i would rather just go and be like paul who went out in the wilderness for a few years and then came back and taught. why can't we do that nowadays. i do understand why we do but i wish we didn't have to do it this way. oh well though
i am not really worried about finding out what i am to do but i am worried that i am not spending my time the best way that i can. i do what i can to study as much as i can and i am praying that God would give me an even greater love for the Word. i do struggle much with fear of man so i am also working and praying through all of that, which is discouraging cuz i am so fearful. my prayer life is not good, i would probably call it terrible, which is also annoying. i am praying more than i every have but i am still not praying without ceasing. i am encouraged because i have seen a great part of my flesh killed which i have been struggling to kill for years and at shepherd's conference this year, i don't even remember what it was, but something caused me to realize that i need to trust God's timing with all things and i am now much more content with life in general. it is not enough though to just kill flesh but we also must pray that God would grow our souls. we must become more like Christ, not just less like the world. it takes both things.
so far, this post has been no conclusive, so what is the prognosis? well, all i can do now is to do what i feel led to do. there is one thing that really appeals to me and that is teaching and studying. i love to teach and to have the need/accountability to have to study, that is good for me. so, i am going to do what is needful for that profession. however, i know what God is good and that He can do anything he wants to do with me, so i am totally open to do whatever. i am even loose with my life. i would really have no problem dying. i have died before though it wasn't dramatic, as far as i know. i am not sure i could stand torture but i am not afraid to die. i am curious though how this view will change if God gives me a wife. so as of now, i guess i will be going to school and such though i do not really want to. i would rather just go and be like paul who went out in the wilderness for a few years and then came back and taught. why can't we do that nowadays. i do understand why we do but i wish we didn't have to do it this way. oh well though
Thursday, March 4, 2010
take-aways from day two
going into this conference, i was looking forward to the books that i was hopefully going to get, the singing/fellowship/worship that was going to take place, and the teaching that i would get to hear.
the conference is now 2/3 over and i must say that i am totally encouraged to get home and start living. my soul has been refreshed over this trip and i am so excited to get home and to do my own study and reading and then live it out. i do know that after awhile, some of this will wear down but i also know that if God is willing to keep me faithful in spiritual exercises, then most of this fervor will stay with me, i pray at least.
i want to come home and serve, and through my service - lead. i want to come home and study so that i may understand the person of God so that i may love Him more, so that i can then share and explain this love to other people so that they may love Him more. i want to do that. i want to see God kill sin in my life and to make me more like Him so that i may glorify Him in all that i do. i need and want to pray more so that these things may happen. i want to come home and live with people and not just around people. i want to get involved in people's lives and to allow them to get involved in my life so that we may encourage each other towards Christ and sanctification.
i'm excited, needless to say, to live out what i have learned and i am willing to do what God has placed on my heart as long as i can. now the hard part will take place soon: going home and actually doing all of this that i want to do. i know that at a retreat like this, it is easy to think of everything that we want to do, but in all reality, we can't do it all, i know that. these are just things that i want to do. i know i can't change the world or anything really, but i can, by God help, change myself, and that is the work that i will set out to do. while doing that, i also hope to influence some other people along the way towards Christ as well. this life isn't easy and then we die, but we are not called to an easy life but to a glorified life. nothing worth having is easy to get, why should eternal life be any different. it is the most glorious, great, awesome, wonderful, amazing, needful thing that we can get, so if it is the best, then shouldn't it also be the hardest, most outrageous, difficult, going-against-the-grain thing we have to work for? God is good though, He does all the work, all we have to do it serve Him with our pathetic lives.
we serve a good God.
the conference is now 2/3 over and i must say that i am totally encouraged to get home and start living. my soul has been refreshed over this trip and i am so excited to get home and to do my own study and reading and then live it out. i do know that after awhile, some of this will wear down but i also know that if God is willing to keep me faithful in spiritual exercises, then most of this fervor will stay with me, i pray at least.
i want to come home and serve, and through my service - lead. i want to come home and study so that i may understand the person of God so that i may love Him more, so that i can then share and explain this love to other people so that they may love Him more. i want to do that. i want to see God kill sin in my life and to make me more like Him so that i may glorify Him in all that i do. i need and want to pray more so that these things may happen. i want to come home and live with people and not just around people. i want to get involved in people's lives and to allow them to get involved in my life so that we may encourage each other towards Christ and sanctification.
i'm excited, needless to say, to live out what i have learned and i am willing to do what God has placed on my heart as long as i can. now the hard part will take place soon: going home and actually doing all of this that i want to do. i know that at a retreat like this, it is easy to think of everything that we want to do, but in all reality, we can't do it all, i know that. these are just things that i want to do. i know i can't change the world or anything really, but i can, by God help, change myself, and that is the work that i will set out to do. while doing that, i also hope to influence some other people along the way towards Christ as well. this life isn't easy and then we die, but we are not called to an easy life but to a glorified life. nothing worth having is easy to get, why should eternal life be any different. it is the most glorious, great, awesome, wonderful, amazing, needful thing that we can get, so if it is the best, then shouldn't it also be the hardest, most outrageous, difficult, going-against-the-grain thing we have to work for? God is good though, He does all the work, all we have to do it serve Him with our pathetic lives.
we serve a good God.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
is your life worth defending?
the closing session of the shepherd's conference tonight was a huge encouragement to me in an unusually way. the session was on living with and in integrity. with regards to the whole message, it was a huge kick in the butt to start to live my life the way that i should. i want to only do the things that if this were my last day on earth, these would be the things that i want to do. i am not at all there yet but i do want to do that and i think that in time, i can grow to that. so that was a kick in the pants.
however, there was something in the message that encouraged me that he didn't really say but it did come to my mind and i think that the line can be drawn from the message to this thought:
i have done many stupid and wicked sins in the past but that is just it, they are in the past. i am not judge on those any more, i have been forgiven. i must still admit those sins, but they are dealt with through Christ death on the cross for those very sins. i have been holding onto the guilt from my past sins since i have been convicted on them and i have realized tonight that this is wrong. i have been making little of Christ atonement of those sins. i will still struggle with this but i think that with prayer, God is good and will work me through this.
it is now time for bed so i won't be explaining this more, sorry if that bothers you
however, there was something in the message that encouraged me that he didn't really say but it did come to my mind and i think that the line can be drawn from the message to this thought:
i have done many stupid and wicked sins in the past but that is just it, they are in the past. i am not judge on those any more, i have been forgiven. i must still admit those sins, but they are dealt with through Christ death on the cross for those very sins. i have been holding onto the guilt from my past sins since i have been convicted on them and i have realized tonight that this is wrong. i have been making little of Christ atonement of those sins. i will still struggle with this but i think that with prayer, God is good and will work me through this.
it is now time for bed so i won't be explaining this more, sorry if that bothers you
Thursday, February 18, 2010
paul, the workhorse of God
Romans 1:1 "Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God."
this is paul's description of himself and his job. this is what he wanted his "legacy" (i guess i can call it that though it isn't the best term) to be.
i want to draw your attention to one small word though, the word "for." it's in the last phrase of this sentence. this little word gave me a bit of trouble when i first read it, i first thought that it should read "by the gospel" but it doesn't, it says "for the gospel." why is that? i think and believe that paul used to word "for" here because paul knew and understand that he was being used and he knew what he was being used by. he knew that his purpose in life was the gospel. he was called out to spread the gospel and to be a servant to the gospel, the good news of God, which is, in reality, a servant of Christ. for the good new of God is that Christ came to earth to die for our sins, while we were yet sinners, and to then rise from the dead and defeat death for us and to pay and fulfill our punishment so that we may spend eternity with God. this is the gospel, this was what paul as set apart for, this was his mission. he spent his days promoting this gospel and he gave his life while spreading the gospel.
this is paul's description of himself and his job. this is what he wanted his "legacy" (i guess i can call it that though it isn't the best term) to be.
i want to draw your attention to one small word though, the word "for." it's in the last phrase of this sentence. this little word gave me a bit of trouble when i first read it, i first thought that it should read "by the gospel" but it doesn't, it says "for the gospel." why is that? i think and believe that paul used to word "for" here because paul knew and understand that he was being used and he knew what he was being used by. he knew that his purpose in life was the gospel. he was called out to spread the gospel and to be a servant to the gospel, the good news of God, which is, in reality, a servant of Christ. for the good new of God is that Christ came to earth to die for our sins, while we were yet sinners, and to then rise from the dead and defeat death for us and to pay and fulfill our punishment so that we may spend eternity with God. this is the gospel, this was what paul as set apart for, this was his mission. he spent his days promoting this gospel and he gave his life while spreading the gospel.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
possession of God
tonight at one28, something struck me that i have heard before but this time it kinda hit a cord with me. it was the fact that we, as christians, belong to God. all of our time, thoughts, and actions now belong to God. everything that we do, we are to do for God. in our church, it seems that the things that are most stressed are the things that we are not to do and we focus so much on not doing them that we totally forget about the things that we are to do. i am totally convicted and convinced that not doing the right things is just as bad as doing the wrong things. we must turn from the bad and not stop but go. go to the good things. go to things that satisfy. go to the things that bring joy. go towards Christ. only then will you be content with your life. only then will your hole in your life be filled.
this is the only done by living on unseen things, living on the things of heaven. we must live, wrestle, struggle, fight, and die for heaven. for if we don't, we will likely go without it. without heaven, there is only eternal hell. in order to not go to hell, you must strive for heaven. you must GO! stop living in this life.
i say this to myself just as much as i say this to anyone else. i struggle with this. i am guilty of living in the now and doing the things to feel good now. i must also fight with this. i fight with this daily. whether or not to watch this or that, to read this or that book, to do one thing over another. these are the same basic things that i also must work on, but it is a good work. these are good things to struggle with for they do lead to heaven. this is a fight but it is a good and noble fight. so fight
live for heaven. live for God.
this is the only done by living on unseen things, living on the things of heaven. we must live, wrestle, struggle, fight, and die for heaven. for if we don't, we will likely go without it. without heaven, there is only eternal hell. in order to not go to hell, you must strive for heaven. you must GO! stop living in this life.
i say this to myself just as much as i say this to anyone else. i struggle with this. i am guilty of living in the now and doing the things to feel good now. i must also fight with this. i fight with this daily. whether or not to watch this or that, to read this or that book, to do one thing over another. these are the same basic things that i also must work on, but it is a good work. these are good things to struggle with for they do lead to heaven. this is a fight but it is a good and noble fight. so fight
live for heaven. live for God.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
you must watch this video. stop what you are doing and watch it
imagine having this being said about you. imagine having this fortitude to keep going without knowing about anyone getting saved from what you are doing for all those years.
this is inspiring. this is why it is so good to listen to and read biographies. they keep you going and give you courage.
God is good to give us a way to remember the past so that we can look at a better future. if we would only live like the people in the past. we must live on unseen things in this life in order to make it to the next.
are you saved? if you were to die tonight, would you go to heaven?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
new brother
well, today is the second day that we have had john and he is smiling and talking more than yesterday, which is good.
it was a complete miracle of God that we even got him. however, this miracle isn't the one that is most important. i know that many people have been praying for him and us that we would get him, but i beg that you do not stop praying for his soul. this is the miracle that really matters. this is what we need to pray for now. please pray for him. pray for us that we may witness to him.
please pray
it was a complete miracle of God that we even got him. however, this miracle isn't the one that is most important. i know that many people have been praying for him and us that we would get him, but i beg that you do not stop praying for his soul. this is the miracle that really matters. this is what we need to pray for now. please pray for him. pray for us that we may witness to him.
please pray
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
for our good
i must say that i am terribly glad that God is in control of our lives because if He wasn't, i would be going completely insane right about now. there are so many things that i want to happen. yet i am so glad that i can't worry about them because God is going to make the things happen. all i have to do is love Him and serve Him and everything else will simple fall into place. oh, to be in the hands of a great, mighty God who loves us so! it is truly marvelous to have His care surround us. while i am small, God is big. to know that while i am sinful, Christ still saved me and loves me and will work a great work through me, i am honored and humbled. God is soooo Good.
SRMMX
take aways from SRMMX
- small group encouragement: this is the first time that i have really gotten to be around my small group for an extended period of time and i would have to say that i rather enjoyed it. sure, my guys are bone-heads at times but they are really a good group of guys. God has truly blessed me with the guys that i have. they make it a joy to be a leader in one28.
- the greatness of suffering: i would say that i have suffered more in my life compared to the normal person. i would also say that i do not, at all, have it bad. my life is really not that hard. the suffering that i have encountered though has been difficult to handle at times but it is good to see and reflect on all the good that has come from it. my death has greatly altered the majority of the people around me, including myself, and if i can effect the amount of people that i have effected again by suffering more, i gladly would suffer more. even just the change in my own dad has been amazing to see. there is also the change that has occurred in myself that i would not exchange for anything in the world. sure, i will probably never run again (mostly because i am to lazy to work out slowly [i'm really not patient]) i am, in fact, completely alright with that, i actually have always hated running, though i do miss soccer and bball occasionally. but God is so good, He is totally worth it.
i actually can't remember why i wrote down my next two points but i will list them even though i can't expand them like i did the other two. first, the art of breaking. second, taking care of our souls. again, i can't remember the context behind these quotes, sorry.
lastly, the easy burden of living on unseen things: this is perhaps the most contradictory statement i have ever said, which if you have been around me long, i say a lot of contradictory statements (they make people think). so, while living on unseen things is perhaps the hardest thing to imagine doing in a persons life, once you do it, it is so easy and care free. Christ says in Matthew 11:28-30 that while we may have many worries on this earth, we are to take up His burden. in order to put up His burden, we must first take off our own. when we take off our burden, the cares of this world, and put on Christ yoke, life will be easy. sure, His yoke will bring pain and suffering and persecution, but those things are so small compared to what we have set our eyes upon. we must look to heaven and the things that are unseen in this world in order to make it through this world. if we don't have a heavenly focus, then we are focusing on the crap that is around us and it will only bring us down to hell to be consumed along with it.
so i encourage you to look not at those thing which are around you but to those things that are ahead of us, look to unseen things, look to heaven, look to God.
- small group encouragement: this is the first time that i have really gotten to be around my small group for an extended period of time and i would have to say that i rather enjoyed it. sure, my guys are bone-heads at times but they are really a good group of guys. God has truly blessed me with the guys that i have. they make it a joy to be a leader in one28.
- the greatness of suffering: i would say that i have suffered more in my life compared to the normal person. i would also say that i do not, at all, have it bad. my life is really not that hard. the suffering that i have encountered though has been difficult to handle at times but it is good to see and reflect on all the good that has come from it. my death has greatly altered the majority of the people around me, including myself, and if i can effect the amount of people that i have effected again by suffering more, i gladly would suffer more. even just the change in my own dad has been amazing to see. there is also the change that has occurred in myself that i would not exchange for anything in the world. sure, i will probably never run again (mostly because i am to lazy to work out slowly [i'm really not patient]) i am, in fact, completely alright with that, i actually have always hated running, though i do miss soccer and bball occasionally. but God is so good, He is totally worth it.
i actually can't remember why i wrote down my next two points but i will list them even though i can't expand them like i did the other two. first, the art of breaking. second, taking care of our souls. again, i can't remember the context behind these quotes, sorry.
lastly, the easy burden of living on unseen things: this is perhaps the most contradictory statement i have ever said, which if you have been around me long, i say a lot of contradictory statements (they make people think). so, while living on unseen things is perhaps the hardest thing to imagine doing in a persons life, once you do it, it is so easy and care free. Christ says in Matthew 11:28-30 that while we may have many worries on this earth, we are to take up His burden. in order to put up His burden, we must first take off our own. when we take off our burden, the cares of this world, and put on Christ yoke, life will be easy. sure, His yoke will bring pain and suffering and persecution, but those things are so small compared to what we have set our eyes upon. we must look to heaven and the things that are unseen in this world in order to make it through this world. if we don't have a heavenly focus, then we are focusing on the crap that is around us and it will only bring us down to hell to be consumed along with it.
so i encourage you to look not at those thing which are around you but to those things that are ahead of us, look to unseen things, look to heaven, look to God.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
family?
as most people know, my parents are currently in china at the moment. this is a really cool thing cuz we are getting a brother through this all but really, us kids of quite used to our parents being gone. they have made multiple trips out of the country for a multitude of days before, so this is nothing new.
however, people always ask us if we miss our parents. i generally feel bad but i don't want to lie so i always say "no" because i really don't miss them. sure, it's quiet at home and such but it isn't that bad. i was thinking about it today though and i think i know why i have never missed them. it's because my family is still here. sure, my parents are thousands of miles away, but i have 10 other sets of parents that are a phone call and a short drive away. the community of the church is an amazing thing. i have men i can talk to about anything in my life. i have women who will treat me like their own son. while they can't take the place of my real parents, they are still here for me and my brother and sister.
this dawned on me today after i got a text from the galbreaths. without prompting, they made dinner for us kids. last night, we were invited over to the lugg's for dinner. we didn't ask for anything, they just saw a need and helped out. this is the amazingness of the church and of the work of God. if left alone, people would only look after themselves, yet with God working, they look after each other. sure, unsaved people do nice things for other people but that is only because they have the law implanted on their hearts, from God, and they are compelled to do something.
well, we are blessed for our extended family and God is good! all the time
however, people always ask us if we miss our parents. i generally feel bad but i don't want to lie so i always say "no" because i really don't miss them. sure, it's quiet at home and such but it isn't that bad. i was thinking about it today though and i think i know why i have never missed them. it's because my family is still here. sure, my parents are thousands of miles away, but i have 10 other sets of parents that are a phone call and a short drive away. the community of the church is an amazing thing. i have men i can talk to about anything in my life. i have women who will treat me like their own son. while they can't take the place of my real parents, they are still here for me and my brother and sister.
this dawned on me today after i got a text from the galbreaths. without prompting, they made dinner for us kids. last night, we were invited over to the lugg's for dinner. we didn't ask for anything, they just saw a need and helped out. this is the amazingness of the church and of the work of God. if left alone, people would only look after themselves, yet with God working, they look after each other. sure, unsaved people do nice things for other people but that is only because they have the law implanted on their hearts, from God, and they are compelled to do something.
well, we are blessed for our extended family and God is good! all the time
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