coward

if asked, most people would not say that i am a coward. however, i was talking to someone recently and they showed me a spot in my life that needs reform and the only reason that i struggle with this is that i am a coward. 

i would say that i am not the most out going person, though if called upon, i can talk quite a bit, sometimes to much :) the problem is though, is that i often struggle with public prayer. i do not enjoy praying in front of people. i care to much what people think and i don't think enough about what God thinks. i can't pray that bad cuz people still sometimes ask me to pray, though i do not feel right about it. it just seems so fake to me. i don't think that i speak well, so i tend to get tongue tied and such and then i am incoherent so people don't even know what i am saying. also i never know what to say while i am praying. i just have a very hard time being personal with God when there are other people to hear me. 

the most stupid part about this whole thing is, is that i know that i am a moron for being like this. which really frustrates me. there is not anything much greater that God could have given us then to communicate directly with Him. we need no third party. yet i have trouble doing it. 

well, i got something to work on :)